Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
