walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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