just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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