A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Me. At least after what I've been through.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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