just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She bit a glass in half.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
