Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
