Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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