I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
