You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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