Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
