I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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