Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
