Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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