The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
