In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
