You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
