Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize