Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
