Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
