Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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