Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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