Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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