She's JV to your varsity
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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