I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
