who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
