I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
