I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Still dying that you shit outside
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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