I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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