My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
