I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
