is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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