he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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