Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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