So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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