he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Green mimosas i think yes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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