i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My feet surprised me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
