I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
