i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
