yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
