I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
