At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
