I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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