Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
