so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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