is your mom at the bar?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have fence marks all over my body
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
