I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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