So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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