dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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