If i come over, it means nothing
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
