You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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