No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
