yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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