I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
