Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
