Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
