my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
