Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
