Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
