I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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