You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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