I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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